Empowering yourself and others is not easy. I always believe that if you are broken inside, then do not get into a relationship with anyone. Because I feel, it is not fair to that person to handle, manage, and get along with your brokenness, and battles. I understand that when you become partners, you share. You share each other’s happiness, sadness, excitement, success, failure, and problems too. But there is always a line. Let’s say you are an insecure person, so insecure to the point where you do not consider yourself to be worthy of anything.
Now imagine, someone in your life who is not necessarily like this but has to deal with your insecurity and your ups and downs on a daily basis. Would that be fair to that someone? Wouldn’t that be a little bit selfish from your end? You may have a different opinion than mine, but I believe, as long as, your heart is not healed, and filled with love, affection, care, attention, and respect for yourself, you shouldn’t promise to have those for your partner, hence, you should not be involved with anyone. But look who is talking and when? This is the 2021 T talk. I didn’t have this clarity back in 2014 when I got into a relationship.
Being a bit broken and clueless inside, I found a friend, someone, who used to listen to me non-stop, literally non-stop. Someone, who would stand beside me tall and strong to protect me and love me. I fell in love with that someone. He did too, with me, the broke, the insecure, the sad, the depressed me. That’s where the trouble was, you know?
Over 2 years of the relationship, he was giving his all to protect me and be by me and I was just becoming dependent on him. At one point, I realized that it’s him who has made my brokenness and clueless go away. Sounds like a fairytale, doesn’t it? Well, that’s where the fatal flaw was. If you take him away from me, I will again become the same broken, insecure, and clueless person that I was 2 years ago, which means, all my progress, all my being confident, and self-esteem were dependent on him. Upon realizing it, terrible things started to happen and as it’s not a fairy tale, it came to a brutal end.
Looking back to 4-5 years ago, I really thank Almighty for giving me those experiences because that’s the only thing I can do. I can’t get those wonderful times back, nor can I get that person back, so it’s better to be thankful for the learnings I got and move forward in life. You know, it’s funny how a lot of wonderfully amazing achievements and good have come and are coming to my life because of him? Well, this is just a naïve attempt to thank my former partner for empowering me to my fullest.
So, this one is for you.
Bringing out a calmer side of mine: Look, I am genuinely a very calm person, now. Previously it was a bit difficult to make me understand how calmness wins at the end. I was more like a reactive person than focusing on responding to anything. There have been situations where I have reacted with full emotions, crying, howling, and bickering my life out because I was like that.
Honestly, it doesn’t bring sanity at the end of the day. He kind of made me realize that speaking loudly with no logic and unnecessary howl only makes any situation worse. Rather if you try to be a bit reasonable with your words, have the perfect combination of emotion and logic, then you will be a person to watch out.
Let me break it down to you what he actually did. He actually introduced me to my actual self. In heart, I am a very non-reactive, and non-violent person. He just gave me a push to understand myself better. So, whenever now I figure my heart out, I smile. I smile, because that reminds me of him.
Encouraging me to push my limit: I always wanted to practice public speaking and speak in front of people. But I never had the courage to take the first step. He was the one who kind of poked me saying, “will you keep on saying that you want to be a public speaker or will you do something about it?” it hit me, quite good. So, I started doing something about it.
Got into public speaking, practiced, participated in some platforms, won in some, lost in some but I did start what I wanted to. He pushed me. He had his effect on me. Today when I boast about my communication skills, I smile. I smile because it has happened solely because of him. Like my public speaking, there have been uncountable experiences in my life which has been encouraged and supported by him.
Believing in me when I didn’t even believe in myself: It will take thousands of pages if I want to write about this particular aspect. There have been times when he just told me, “do it, and I did it” fully believing in him rather than believing in my potential. And all of those times, he was on point. His belief in me was always right.
He used to jokingly say to me, “I can put you anywhere with full confidence and get a good result whether its studies, talking to people, working, or just about anything”. And I used to feel like “Is he blinded by love that he has this level of confidence in me?” whichever the reason was, he had his absolute belief in me at times when I didn’t even have any.
I know, questions can arise, why are we not together? Let me be a little philosophic and say, “Because all good things come to an end”. Or let me just quote Ironman, “A part of the journey is the end.”
Even when I am penning this down, there is a smile on my face. This smile is gratitude to my former partner who has the most contribution in empowering me to be who I am now. I guess a part of me will always love him, admire him, and be grateful to him.
So, Thank You.
Thank You for being my partner. Thank you for giving me the most wonderful memories.
Thank You for being You.
And Thank You for Empowering Me.
Tahiya Islam is the Director of Media & Publication of AIM Initiative Foundation, a nonprofit organization of Bangladesh.
Because of her passion for writing and public speaking, she has founded Pensive Stories where everyone is welcome to share their mental health experiences and stories through articles, stories, poems, audio, and video podcasts.